Do you try to be everyone’s savior? Are you always trying to help people out? In times of chaos do you sacrifice your own good for the well-being of others?
While there’s nothing wrong with helping people out, always being there to “save the day” can sap away your time and your energy.
Constantly saving the day can also actually alienate you from those you’re trying to “help.”
If this is the case for you, it might be time to ask yourself if you’re under the spell of what I call the Savior “power pattern.” In fact, the need to play the hero might actually be masking unaddressed self-worth issues.
What is the Savior Power Pattern?
The Savior power pattern is often driven by a hidden fear that says, ‘I am not enough and will never be enough no matter how hard I try and how many people I help.”
The Savior is just one of eight common “power patterns” that take over when we allow an out-of-control ego run the show.
These power patterns distort our Divine Power and sabotage us from living our best life.
Have you ever wondered why you like saving people? Well, saviors experience a “hit” of pleasure along with feel-good endorphins when they save someone. These endorphins naturally make us feel better and happier.
But, like all addicts, a savior can be left feeling empty and craving the accolades of their good deeds to fill themselves up.
Signs of Savior Energy
Here are four signs that you have Savior energy that needs to be addressed:
1. You can always be counted on to solve the problems of others.
You take great pride in this. (But have you ever noticed people don’t always want your “fixes”?)
You are always there for people, even at times when you don’t need to be. You are loyal, but to a fault.
2. You frequently try to “save” your romantic partners (who often possess Victim energy).
Saviors tend to choose people with a Victim pattern for their intimate partners because Victims want to be rescued from their pain.
Yet these two power patterns cannot survive this dynamic. This is because this type of relationship is not based on love. The Savior needs to prove he or she is enough, and the Victim needs to prove he or she is never enough.
3. You believe that you are giving and expect nothing in return, yet you always feel empty afterward.
No matter what you do, your pleasure is short-lived.
That’s because the change you are attempting to create cannot sustain itself with the wound (“I am not enough”) that you carry beneath the surface.
You continue to help people all that you can, but you do not feel rewarded afterward.
4. You end up feeling like a Victim or Martyr (two related power patterns).
This occurs when we crave appreciation and recognition and do not receive it. Expecting others to appreciate us inevitably feeds the ego and can lead to blaming, passive-aggressive control patterns, launching into Victim stories, or stepping into Martyr patterns.
If you recognize yourself in this power pattern, don’t fret. My book, The Tao of Influence—rooted in the ancient wisdom of the 4,000-year-old Tao Te Ching—helps identify and break the power patterns that undermine your influence, create dysfunctional relationships, and otherwise squelch your potential.
If you do feel that you recognize yourself in the Savior power pattern, here are a few tips to help release it.
1. Be aware of your tendency to rescue and be drawn to Victim behavior.
Are you always looking for things (people) to “fix” and creating rescuing situations? It’s great to let people know you care about them, but do your best to allow them to solve their own problems.
It can be equally rewarding to simply offer support without jumping to the rescue.
2. Look out for “Savior” language.
What is “savior” language, exactly?
Here are some words that Saviors often say, along with what they’re thinking:
- “I’ll help you” (…even if you haven’t requested help.)
- “I took out the garbage.” (… and I expect to be acknowledged.)
- “Don’t worry. I’ve got this handled.” (…If it wasn’t for me, things would fall apart around here.)
- “I’ve got the answer.” (…There’s only one solution, and I have it!)
3. Release your need for appreciation and recognition.
The people within your circle of influence want to feel that you’re not needy.
They’ll feel your fullness and clear energy when you’re completely present to them in your interactions. When the need to be appreciated or recognized arises, it takes away from our ability to be present.
People will read your neediness, which can diminish your presence and create negative energy around you.
To start dissolving this need, release anything you expect to get as a result of good deeds—whether it be from people, from the earth, or from the Divine.
4. Work on feeling worthy.
Remember: you are worthy.
Pay attention to the times you do not feel good enough. This is a signal that you need to practice self-acceptance and self-love.
Find ways to give yourself an abundance of both by tapping into your “love power”—the primal power that unlocks the door to a deeper, richer, more meaningful life.
Practice self-care and focus on creating positive thoughts. When you have negative thoughts, be sure that you do not dwell on these thoughts. Release these thoughts and replace them with positive ones.
Spend time honoring yourself. You might set aside 15 minutes to meditate in the mornings or evenings, journal each day to anchor yourself in the present moment, or clean up your home and get rid of things that no longer serve you.
Do things that cultivate a feeling of gratitude and deep joy.
All of these help you return to the love-power you were born with.
Remember: rescuing everyone else does no good if it fills you with exhaustion and leaves you feeling empty. To truly influence those around you in a positive way, you must love yourself first. When you truly love yourself, love flows through you freely with no strings.
And then you will seek to serve others without needing an ego boost or reward.
To learn more about your power archetype, check out this blog post.
The Tao of Influence: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Leaders and Entrepreneurs (Mango, September 2020, ISBN: 978-1-64250-275-6, $24.95) is available from major online booksellers.
For free resources and to discover your power archetype, please visit www.karenmcgregor.com.
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